What we do for people is only important as it serves who we are for them

Remember your 4th or 5th grade favorite teacher.  Remember what they taught You?  What we usually remember is that teacher or mentor appreciated you or built you up not so much the subject matter.

That’s especially true in Spiritual Care.  Those of us who work and teach in the field often talk about the value of Being yet, quite often the word “just” is put in front of Being.  Being is often the default option when we run out of things to do for people.  We teach “doing” i.e., listening skills, appreciative inquiry, identifying feelings etc.  Those are all helpful interactions when they are put in the context of “who we are for people.”  Who we are or being for others should be seen at least as complex as some of our systems for interacting with others.

Being is not just “being there,” but it is an assessed and defined way of caring. 

In Breaking the Spiritual Care Code, I talk about how that lesson came home to me when I was a young chaplain in a large city hospital.

The Director of Spiritual Care came to me and sent me up to a surgery waiting room to care for a family whose husband and father had died during the surgery.  He warned me that the surgeon who had requested a Chaplain’s presence was notorious for not doing well with families.

True to form the surgeon came into the waiting room and said, “We did everything we could but he died, sorry”.  He left immediately.  The family and I were shocked by his abruptness.  They turned to me and began asking “why” questions.  Why did this happen?  Why did God do this?  Why to this good man who was religious and a Sunday school teacher?

I talked about God’s good intentions and the promises of scripture.  The more I talked the angrier they became.  After a short time, they asked me to leave and turned down my offer of prayer.

About a month later, I saw this woman coming down a long hallway in the hospital.  I tried to duck into a social work office, but the door was locked.  As I tried to walk past her, she stopped me.  “Chaplain Kenny.  I want to thank you for being with us on the day my husband died.  I don’t remember what you said, but we were so appreciative of your being there”.

That wasn’t what I expected, but she helped me with a life lesson.  That wasn’t my expertise in assessing and valuing “Being” but it was the Spirit using my attempts to do something of value and teaching me that What I do for people is only important as it serves who I am for them.