Does Shame Exist

We’ve written and talked about shame a lot in the last few years.  It has become a part of many clinical education curricula. 

I’m not sure shame exists.  It certainly is not a core feeling.  It can be a name for a complex set of feelings but it is not a primary feeling.

Here’s what I think it is.  Like some forms of depression, it is repressed anger.  The person has learned to turn the anger at mistreatment or abuse inward and “shame” becomes a safer option.

Why is this distinction important?  It is important because how you treat this set of feelings changes depending on how you define it. 

If shame has a definition of “feeling one is not worth anything or good enough” then support, encouragement become important.  If the definition includes as a main ingredient repressed anger, then other caring responses are called for.  Encouraging boldness, expressions of anger and self-responsibility become important.

So, consider that you and your students or clients definition of shame should include anger that is often misdirected. 

Shame is not a path worth walking and if we don’t consider anger as a key ingredient that path becomes longer.